The No Contact Rule: Healing through Leaving

Going through a breakup is painful and the more you think about it or try to figure out why, the more it hurts. There is only one solution to this and it is no contact. The no contact rule means you cutting off any contact with your ex. You do not call, text or go to place that you might find them.

Usually, the strain between you and your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend might be high after a break up. While the both of you are in that state of mind, it is very possible that whatever you say or do might be misread regardless of your motives, and may even in actual fact have a damaging impact and also deteriorate the problem.

During this time period, you are generally in a “panic mode” which often forces you to want to begin phoning, texting, e-mailing as well as doing all sort of things to stay in touch with your ex. Your never-ending phoning, promises to change, apologies for every little thing and asking them to have you back too early following a breakup will somewhat get you to look frantic, and furthermore, your boyfriend or girlfriend may get even more angry and upset with you.

The significance of the No Contact Rule is centered on its allowing you to steer clear of the above goof ups. They’re essentially major mistakes which can quickly cut back any likelihood you might have of getting your ex lover back.

Sourced from: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/the-no-contact-rule-its-importance-and-effectiveness-after-a-breakup

You do not just sit and wish that your ex will come back to you during the no contact period. You need to get busy. Get engaged in activities that make you a better person.

1.Physical Activity

The no. 1 most important thing you must do during the no contact period is some physical activity. There are many reasons for this. It releases endorphins that make you feel better. It will get you in shape, which will again make you feel better. And it will show if you want to meet your ex after the no contact period is over.

I recommend some sort of physical activity at least every alternate day. You can do tons of things including

  • Yoga
  • Gym
  • Any type of Sports that you enjoy

2.Social Activities

Even though every cell in your body wants to stay home alone and feel miserable for yourself, you have to force yourself to go out and have a good time with your friends. Your friends will make you realize that you are still loved and wanted by them. No matter what happens, you have your friends and family with you and that is something you should definitely appreciate.

You are also encouraged to go out on a date during the no contact period. You don’t really have to jump into a relationship right away, but a few dates will give you an ego boost that will definitely help in the long run.

Sourced from: http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/the-no-contact-rule-everything-you-need-to-know-about-it/

With the no contact rule there is healing. Moving on and being strong. Your ex will not be attracted to the old new but the new you. Think of it as a journey into yourself. Do no contact for yourself and not your ex.

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#1 You can’t move on. You can’t move on if you’re stuck in the same spot in your love life. As long as you stay around your ex, you’ll constantly remember how much you miss your relationship. Only when you take an emotional step away will you be able to look around and find new things to fill that emptiness you feel in your heart.

#2 Your feelings will always be rekindled. If you’ve been dumped by someone you still love or even if you’ve parted ways mutually, the relationship status changes overnight, but your feelings for your ex won’t be able to keep pace with it. If you meet your ex all the time, there’s a big chance that you’ll end up falling in love with them, even if they’ve moved on. [Read: 10 things to do after a break up to feel better immediately

Sourced from: http://www.lovepanky.com/love-couch/your-ex/why-the-no-contact-rule-works

It is Okay to Grieve the ones you Love

We have all lost loved ones but this does not mean that we know how the other felt when it happened. Grieving is a normal healthy process of how humans react to the loss of a loved one or a friend. It has five stages namely denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. We all have to undergo all these stages so as to recover fully.

Denial is the first of the five stages of grief. It helps us to survive the loss. In this stage, the world becomes meaningless and overwhelming. Life makes no sense. We are in a state of shock and denial. We go numb. We wonder how we can go on, if we can go on, why we should go on. We try to find a way to simply get through each day. Denial and shock help us to cope and make survival possible. Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature’s way of letting in only as much as we can handle. As you accept the reality of the loss and start to ask yourself questions, you are unknowingly beginning the healing process. You are becoming stronger, and the denial is beginning to fade. But as you proceed, all the feelings you were denying begin to surface.

Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. Be willing to feel your anger, even though it may seem endless. The more you truly feel it, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will heal. There are many other emotions under the anger and you will get to them in time, but anger is the emotion we are most used to managing. The truth is that anger has no limits. It can extend not only to your friends, the doctors, your family, yourself and your loved one who died, but also to God. You may ask, “Where is God in this? Underneath anger is pain, your pain. It is natural to feel deserted and abandoned, but we live in a society that fears anger. Anger is strength and it can be an anchor, giving temporary structure to the nothingness of loss. At first grief feels like being lost at sea: no connection to anything. Then you get angry at someone, maybe a person who didn’t attend the funeral, maybe a person who isn’t around, maybe a person who is different now that your loved one has died. Suddenly you have a structure – – your anger toward them. The anger becomes a bridge over the open sea, a connection from you to them. It is something to hold onto; and a connection made from the strength of anger feels better than nothing. We usually know more about suppressing anger than feeling it. The anger is just another indication of the intensity of your love.

Sourced from: http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/

After grieving a person will accept the fact that the person they love is no more and that they have to move on. The person can now vocalize all the emotions they had locked inside due to sadness. They can talk to close friends or even see a psychologist.

Moving on with life

Mourning the loss of a close friend or relative takes time, but research tells us that it can also be the catalyst for a renewed sense of meaning that offers purpose and direction to life.

Grieving individuals may find it useful to use some of the following strategies to help come to terms with loss:

Talk about the death of your loved one with friends and colleagues in order to understand what happened and remember your friend or family member. Denying the death is an easy way to isolate yourself, and will frustrate your support system in the process.Accept your feelings. People experience all kinds of emotions after the death of someone close. Sadness, anger, frustration and even exhaustion are all normal.Take care of yourself and your family. Eating well, exercising and getting plenty of rest help us get through each day and move forward.Reach out and help others dealing with the loss. Helping others has the added benefit of making you feel better as well. Sharing stories of the deceased can help everyone cope.Remember and celebrate the lives of your loved ones. Possibilities include donating to a favorite charity of the deceased, framing photos of fun times, passing on a family name to a baby or planting a garden in memory. What you choose is up to you, as long as it allows you honor that unique relationship in a way that feels right to you. If you feel stuck or overwhelmed by your emotions, it may be helpful to talk with a licensed psychologist or other mental health professional who can help you cope with your feelings and find ways to get back on track.

Sourced from: http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/grief.aspx

No one is skilled when it comes to comforting a grieving person. It seems we only know how to make things worse at that time. This calls for knowledge in the things we should never say in such situations.

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I know how you feel.

No, actually, you don’t know how I feel. Even if you’ve lost your dad, you didn’t lose my dad. Even if you lost your nephew, you didn’t lose my nephew. The fact is, your situation may be similar on the surface, but relationship is what makes each similar situation so vastly distinct. My love for my dad may have been like every son’s love for his father, but the particularities of our relationship – both good and bad – make my love for him unique, and make your love for your father unique. Yes, you may know the pain of losing a father. And that pain may have some overlap with my pain. But our pains are unique to the people and memories we lost. So, no, you don’t know how I feel.

Sourced from: http://www.ministrymatters.com/all/entry/5552/10-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-grieving-person

Loving You Inside Out

In a world of fake and unattainable standards, it has become increasingly hard to fall in love with yourself and just truly appreciate you. However, it is possible to live a fulfilling life whichever way you look or feel; it is possible to get to acceptance and illuminating joy.

It is common for young people to feel increasingly uncomfortable with their bodies as changes occur during adolescence. Low self-esteem occurs when expectations of how you want your body to look do not match up to reality. These types of feelings can lead to distorted thoughts and emotions about your bodies and negative thoughts about body image and self-worth can lead to changes in eating and exercise behaviors.

Sourced from: https://www.youthbeyondblue.com/understand-what’s-going-on/low-self-esteem-and-body-image

Low expectations are a result of false expectations that your body fails to meet due to various reasons. The following are some steps to take to improve your body image and happiness in your life;

  • Recognize that beauty, health and strength come in all sizes. Real beauty encompasses what is inside, your zest for life, your fun-loving spirit, a smile that lights up your face, your compassion for others, says Carol Johnson, author of Self-Esteem Comes in all Sizes. It is being friendly, generous and loving, having strength and courage, and respecting yourself just as you are — goals that we all can achieve.

  • Your body is okay. Your size is okay. The good news is that you can change how you feel about your body by changing your self-talk. If you are especially concerned over weight, understand that your body has an opinion of what it should weigh at this time in your life. It regulates weight around a set point that may be nearly impossible to change. Recognize how destructive the obsession to be thin is and how it harms the people you love, especially children. Your weight is not a measure of your self-worth. Accepting this can give you new freedom.

  • Be size positive. Set an example of respect for size diversity. People naturally come in different sizes and builds, and that is okay. If you are a large woman it is especially important in our size-focused society to be a role model who radiates confidence, self-respect and friendliness for other adults and children who, sadly, may fear going out in public.

    Or, if you are a thin person, keeping thin through semi-starvation, remember this means an anorexic personality (anxiety, irritability, depression, inability to concentrate, social withdrawal, isolation from friends and family, preoccupation with food, loneliness, lack of compassion and generosity, self-centeredness), weak and brittle bones, and other serious health issues. Our society is currently obsessed with thinness, which hurts us all. When will this nation come to its senses, reject size prejudice, accept a wider range of shapes and sizes, and focus on health rather than weight? We each can do our part to bring about this healthful change.

  • Dress for success. Dress in ways that make you feel good, that make your own statement and, most of all, that fit now. Clean out your closet of clothes that do not fit; clothes you can wear only during dieting bouts. Give away or store too-small clothing. This makes room for clothes you will enjoy wearing.

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  • Want what you have – contentment.The secret to happiness is not to get what you want, but to want what you have . Though much underrated today, contentment has long been valued in world religions and philosophy. Realizing the full measure of our abundance can bring true happiness.

  • Keep a gratitude journal. Have you inventoried the richness of your life assets? Try it. Add to that inventory and each day write down three things you are grateful for in your gratitude journal. It can be humbling to realize the abundance of riches we have, and how much we take it for granted. The everyday joys of family, friends, home, community, country, health, work and the wonder of nature are all around us. Contemplating this can bring you deep serenity.

  • Learn and practice relaxation techniques. Relaxation relieves stress and enhances our lives. Stress overload is linked to many health problems, such as exhaustion, insomnia, headache, diarrhea, anxiety, restlessness, depression, abuse of alcohol, increased risk of heart attack and weakened immune system. Relaxing is like re-booting a stressed-out computer. Everything works better afterward.

  • Choose self-care. Set aside time every day for yourself. Take time for self-care and healing. Invest in small things that enrich your life: listening to music, reading a novel, napping after lunch, laughing with your spouse or best friend, eating a nourishing meal, telephoning a friend, taking a stretch break at your desk, enjoying a sunset.

  • Live assertively. Assertiveness allows people to express their honest feelings and opinions comfortably, to be open and direct, without anxiety or guilt, and to obtain their personal rights without denying the rights of others. Assertive persons respect themselves, speak calmly and clearly, maintain eye contact, project their voices, and smile sincerely when they mean it. By contrast, responding to others in passive or aggressive ways involves manipulation that respects neither yourself nor them.

  • Strengthen your social support . Include pleasant and stimulating interaction with others in your day, every day. Maintain nourishing relationships with family and friends. Promote communication and sharing of feelings in appropriate ways. Encourage positive self-talk, praise and support for each other. Getting involved in volunteer work is an excellent way to increase your social network as you lend a helping hand and a helping heart.

  • Shape a healthy balance. You will feel better and have more energy when you develop healthy living habits that come so naturally and feel so normal you hardly think about them. Normalize your life by being regularly active and keeping yourself well nourished without dieting. Take care of your health, but do not obsess over it or struggle for perfection. Find a satisfying balance of wellness and wholeness that works for you at this time in your life and helps you live the way you want.

Sourced from: http://www.healthyweightnetwork.com/size1.htm